Last year this week...

Last year this week I was 21 weeks pregnant with twins.
Last year this week I went into premature labor.
Last year this week I was in the hospital getting all kinds of medicine.
Last year this week my husband had to come home early from a business trip because I was in the hospital.
Last year this week I started the "do not get out of bed for any reason" bed rest that I ended up being on for months.
Last year this week I didn't know how I would make it to March and was sure that my babies wouldn't make it.

This week I have two healthy babies that turn 8 months old.
This week I am able to be up and about without any restrictions.
This week my husband is on a business trip and I feel completely capable of handling things at home.
This week March already feels so long ago.
This week I am so thankful.

It is AMAZING how things can change in a year!

I am still here!

When I got on my blog this morning I realized it had been a couple of weeks since my last post.  I just don't understand how the time can pass so quickly but feel like it is passing so slowly.

I am still pregnant and now into my 32 week, which is just amazing.  Babies seem to be doing great.  They are moving around a lot and always do really well at my weekly non-stress tests.  Next Monday will be another ultrasound to see how big they are.  I am still on complete bed rest, but the end is getting closer.  I did have to do the three hour glucose test, which was unpleasant, but hopefully everything is ok there.

We have had some sadness.  Last weekend one of our sweet cats got very very sick, had to spend the weekend at the vet, and ended up not making it.  It was really horrible.  This was the cat that had spent the last couple of months glued to my side, keeping me warm and calm as I rested in bed.  She loved to eat watermelon and steal salad.  She drank water exclusively from the faucet or cups.  She was dearly loved and brought both my husband and I a lot of entertainment and joy.  She will be sorely missed.

This weekend was also a year since our twin daughters Wilma and Hannah were born too early.  It was a sad and reflective day.  My mom bought some beautiful daffodils and I did a lot of reflecting and remembering.  My husband and I talked some about how we were feeling and I allowed myself to feel sad when I needed too, and also get distracted with other things when I needed too. 

On a more upbeat note, we are getting much more prepared for these babies arrival.  We now have car seats, a co-sleeper for them to sleep in, bath things, swaddling blankets, and enough newborn clothes that they won't be naked!  We also have packed a bag to take to the hospital.  I am feeling excited and overwhelmed about how things are going to go in the next couple of weeks.  I think because there are a lot of things that I can not control, I have been feeling a little anxious about a few things I do some control over, such as names (we have not decided on any yet), what to put on our registry, and who to use for a pediatrician.

You are missed sweet girl.

2010 Ended with a Bang and 2011 Started with Me Still Pregnant!!

Ok, I will admit it, I have been in a funk.  This is getting hard and uncomfortable and I am starting to get whiny.  One friend I talked to said that she guessed it was like running a marathon and I am getting to the point where people "hit the wall," before the end but after they have been going for a while.  I like that because lots of people push through and finish marathons, so I can push through too!

There is really good news though.  It is 2011 and I am still pregnant.  That is amazing.  It was a huge goal for me and we have made it.  I had a doctors appointment on Monday and he is so excited that we are 29 weeks and a few days.  He really feels like no matter when the babies are born there will be a good outcome and we are going to take babies home.  He does really want me to hang on for another month so we can have and keep the babies at the hospital here and not have to go an hour to the level 3 NICU.  I am hoping for that too.  The babies look great and are getting big.  Baby A is 2lbs 13oz and Baby B is 2lbs 14oz.  All the egg nog I drank during the holidays helped I think.

2010 would not leave without making a statement.  I felt like it was taunting me, saying "I know you want me to leave, but I am not done with you yet!"  New Year's Eve brought horrible storms, lots of lightning and thunder, and power outages for hours.  During one of the violent weather cells one of the trees in our front yard got struck by lightning!  I have never been that close to a lightning strike.  The whole house lit up and shook.  Now our tree has a strip all the way down one side where the bark was forced off.

The beginning of 2011 has also brought the realization that I need to get organized and more prepared.  I now have a list of lists I need to make, such as "things to pack for the hospital," "meals to make and freeze," "things needed for sleeping or diapering or feeding, ect" and more.  It is a start!

A December Update

We had a good December, much less eventful than November.  My husband's parents came for a visit at the beginning of the month and helped us so much around the house and in the yard.  They raked and moved more than 50 bags of leaves.  Something fun for me to look forward to for next year :).  It was such a treat to get to see them and spend time with them.  My mom is still here helping me.  I can not say enough how essential my mom has been to the health and well being of these babies, as well as me.  I am incredibly thankful to both her and my dad for the sacrifice and love they are showing us through their actions. 

Reports from the doctor and various tests have been very positive.  I don't have to go back and see him until the 3rd of January, that is in 2011!!!  I feel my goal of having these babies have a 2011 birthday getting ever closer.  At the next appointment I will have another ultrasound to measure the babies and also get my glucose test done.  Fingers crossed I don't have to deal with gestational diabetes too.  I continue to stay on complete bed rest and anticipate that will be the same for a while.  The babies move around a lot.  I can now see their movements on my belly, and usually I can tell which baby it is.  Baby A gets hiccups at least twice a day.

The reality of their arrival is beginning to loom in the near future.  We really could have these babies at any time.  It is scary for me to think about labor and delivery, and then how we will handle everything that will come after that.  We have started to do more research into feeding and sleeping and car seats, and have found many different ways of doing things.  It is pretty overwhelming because we really have no idea what is going to work best.  I guess in the end we will pick what we think will, and then just try it out.  Names are another topic we talk about occasionally, but have not really even narrowed down a list yet.  We are slowly making progress on getting ready for the babies while acknowledging that this is really difficult and complicated.  Hopefully we have a few more weeks to continue working on this.

One of the things that I have been doing while in bed is various crafts.  For Christmas I made my daughters stuffed rabbits out of socks.  They were very easy to make and I am hoping they will be able to go with them while they are in the NICU, if that is the case.  It was really fun to be able to make something specifically for each of them and helped me to feel like I was contributing to the preparation of their arrival.  Here is a picture.

I was also able to have my mom take a picture of my ever expanding self in a rare occasion that I was up and dressed.  Here is 28 weeks with twins.



A quiet, flat thanksgiving, a huge milestone, healthy babies, steroids, and a very tired mamma

Well, my lack of posting, thankfully, is not due to any drama or complications, but the extreme tiredness that seems to have hit me in the last week or so.  It is a physical, spiritual, and mental tiredness that I have heard come with the territory of being completely bed ridden and pregnant with two active little girls. 

We had a great Thanksgiving.  It was quiet and I enjoyed the meal on my side, but it was so tasty.  There is something about the idea of a day completely focused on being thankful that I really like.  It helps to remind me that I need to work on being thankful every day.  And really, I have so much to be thankful for this year.  That weekend my husband went and got me a three foot "table" tree that we now have on a desk in the room I stay in, and with lights and ornaments, it is very festive in here.  I have found that having something living and green to look at really helps.

That Sunday after Thanksgiving marked the beginning of week 24.  It was so great to get to that milestone.  A really huge deal that we celebrated with pizza hut pizza!  It had been what we were focused on and was so crucial to get to.  I definitely have felt some relief for getting past that point, although it is funny, because we were so focused on getting there, that now we are already in week 25, it is strange to have my goals change.  Actually having these babies is becoming more and more real. 

This last week was a surprisingly busy week for me.  We had a doctors appointment on Tuesday and got to see the babies.  It had been about six weeks since we had last had one on them, and they had gotten so much bigger!  They are both weighing right at about one and a half pounds.  They are very active and seem healthy.  That is such a relief.  Then on Wednesday and Thursday I had to go into the hospital for a couple of hours each day to get some testing done.  My doctor also decided to give me steroids, just in case the girls decide they want to make a super early entrance, but we are all really hopeful that they will stay put for a long time.

On Friday my husbands parents made the journey down to spend some time with us and help out.  I am so thankful for the support of our parents.  It has really made this experience easier.  I continue to pass the time with the food network, books, puzzles, crocheting, phone calls, internet searching (it is getting time, I think, to start looking into various baby things we might need), and emailing.

I am now off to a doctors appointment and plan to thoroughly enjoy the fresh air, different views, and chance to wear real clothes.  Have a wonderful week! 

I never thought that...

I would be so thankful for a couple of pieces of nylon thread.  I am still pregnant, and we are closing in on the 24 week milestone.  Only five days till we get there.  At my doctors appointment today ultrasound confirmed that the stitches are holding, the only things, holding the babies in.  But the positive is that they are holding and we are making it.  While the days and nights are long, I hold on to hope and am relying on my faith.  I keep encouraged by the people who are supporting us in incredible ways. 

That is how things are right now.  As the weeks go on I hope that things will just get better and better.

Things are the same

We had a good report from the doctor yesterday.  Things look the same, so I continue to be confined to bed and anxiously wait for the weeks to pass.  I guess it is good that I don't have more to report.  Babies continue to be healthy, do well, and move around a lot.  I head back to the doctor on Friday.  Everyday that we get through is another one behind us.  Thank you for all of the prayers and support.  I will keep you posted.

UGGH!

I wasn't sure what to name this post.  Some ideas included "Things are not good, but they are not horrible either" "We are hanging on by a thread" and "How will we make through the next couple of weeks?"  I settled on uggh because that is just how I am feeling right now. 

Needless to say, things are not going great.  Last Sunday I started having regular contractions, so away to the ER we went.  I spend over 24 hours on some heavy duty medicine that stopped my contractions.  We stayed in the hospital until Thursday morning.  I am now on medicine that I can take at home to keep the contractions from starting again.  I was feeling hopeful as we left because they had gotten everything under control.

That was until my doctors appointment on Friday where we found out that I had lost about a centimeter of cervix in 5 days.  My doctor feels that the contractions where due to the cervix opening.  The good news in all of this is that it is holding closed below the stitches and that as of right now I am still pregnant.  I am at 22 weeks, so I have never been this pregnant before.  The doctor sent me home on strict, do not get up except for 10 minute shower sitting down bed rest.  I will leave it to your imagination on how we are managing other things.  These next two weeks are the most crucial.  We have to make it to 24 weeks, so hopefully we can keep this up with a lot of success these next two weeks.  I have another appointment tomorrow, and we are going to find out how things have gone this weekend.

I don't usually feel comfortable asking others to pray for me, but we are in some desperate need of prayer.  So if you could, that would such a comfort and so appreciated.

On a lighter note, here is a picture my husband took from his blackberry of how things are now that I am on strict bed rest.  It usually involves cat helpers.

I've Been Restricted!

The time has come for less activity and more resting.  The doctor has seen a little bit of change, and so to be proactive, my modified bed rest has turned into complete bed rest.  I really didn't know how good I had it until now.  Thankfully my mother is here and taking very good care of me.  She is also good about making sure that I am sticking to the guidelines and not doing to much.  This next month is the really critical point, and after that I am hoping that I will be able to do more.

It's been over two weeks?

I can't believe that it has been that long since I have been on "bed rest" and since I have blogged.  Time is a funny thing, it can slip away quickly while feeling like it takes forever.  These last two weeks have been a combination of busy and quiet, and I have worked on several issues.

I put bed rest in quotations because I am really on more of a modified bed rest.  I don't have to be completely flat on my back all of the time.  My doctor wants me to rest as much as possible, but I can still get up to use the bathroom, shower, eat, and even sit at the computer for a little while.  He has stressed that in the coming weeks there is a large chance that I will get more restrictions, but so far I am making this work pretty well.  I have come up with a schedule for my day.  It goes something like this:

• Wake up with husband and eat breakfast
• Watch morning TV (including GMA, and Live)
• Do some work from home on computer
• Eat lunch with husband
• Take afternoon nap
• Read or work on some sort of craft
• Eat dinner with husband
• Watch prime time TV with husband and then go to bed

That is really how my days have been.  I think that partly why I have not blogged is because I feel like I really have nothing to share.  The days kind of blur together.  I have been working through a lot of anxiety and learning to have my needs heard in a healthy manner.  I have started going to the doctor twice a week.  I realized that after about four or five days I started to really panic about things not being ok.  After some thinking about this, it was clear that this was related to the fact that I was at the doctor's office on Wednesday and then delivered our daughters that Saturday.  The fact that things changed so quickly is really effecting me now.  Going to the doctor twice a week has really helped to alleviate that some.  I have also found that being more isolated has caused me to draw away a little bit from people, not so good.  I am working on asking for help when I need it, and reaching out to people even though it is hard for me.

Next week I go back to my maternal fetal medicine doctor to get a major scan of the babies so I am hoping to have ultrasound pictures to share.  Also, my inlaws are here helping me since my husband is gone on a business trip.  That has been really lovely so far.  I have been trying to think of ideas for things to blog about, such as books I have read.  If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them.

The Count Down to Bed Rest Truly Begins

I knew it was coming.  I knew since the loss of my last pregnancy when we talked with my doctor about what we could do differently next time.  I knew since my first prenatal appointment with this pregnancy, and again my doctor brought it up.  I have know for weeks.

However, after today's appointment when my doctor set the date for my surgery, and therefore bed rest, it really hit me that I don't have very much time.  Everything is going to happen next Friday!  I have already started making a list of meals that I can make and freeze.  I am also going to be using our local library's online catalog a lot.

Although it is going to be a challenge, I already have lots of support and things to be thankful for.  I have a husband who is already planning how he can be of help and support to me during this time.  Both my mother and my in-laws will be coming in October and November to help while my husband is out of town.  I have a great doctor that is going to check everything at least once a week.  I have already seen the specialist who said that everything looks great right now and we are on course to have a successful pregnancy.  Every day that I am able to make through is another day closer to holding my babies.  I need to hold on to these positive thoughts.

My hope is that I use this blog a lot during that time, and mostly not to complain or whine (although I know I will need to from time to time).  So truly, the countdown and preparation has begun!