What Do You Say?

What do you say to honor daughters that left too soon?  What do you say to let others know how you are doing?  What do you say to commemorate lives you loved but never knew as people?

Here is what I chose to say at the memorial we had for our twin daughters a couple Saturdays ago.  It was really something I felt like I needed to say and to share with others.  I described it to one friend as like ripping a band-aid off.  Painful but very necessary for healing.

 First I would like to thank you for coming to honor and remember our daughters.  It means so much to use to have you here, and your support has really helped us to get through this hard time.  I can see that our daughters are remembered and loved. 

This has been such a hard thing to go through.  I think one reason it is so difficult is because there are so many dreams, hopes, and expectations that we will never see come to light.  We will never get to tuck them in at night, read them stories, enjoy their jokes, or get to see them become women.  However, through the privilege of being able to care for them for five and a half months, and the time that followed, they have taught me so much that has helped me become a better person and forever changed me. 

They taught me the importance of the relationships that I have with people, and that by sharing and communicating the truth of what I am feeling and the situation, I will have stronger relationships.  I feel like I have been able to connect on a deeper level with people.  My daughters also taught me the importance of choosing to do what is best, not always what is easiest.  It might feel easiest to just pretend this never happened or stay holed up in our apartment not facing the world, but these are not the best or healthiest choices.  I have a strength that I have never known before, and it is because of my daughters. 

They have also shown me the importance of loving and appreciating what is here right now.  We were only able to know them for five and a half months in this world, and I spent a fair amount of that time worried for their safety.  My worrying did not change the outcome, but I could have spent that time just in the moment.  I plan to work on trying to do that more and worry less. 

Finally, they helped me to deepen my faith and relationship with God.  While I will never understand why this happened and always feel sadness and grief towards this loss, I have found myself leaning not on my own strengths, but that of God, and trusting in his plan for me in a way I never have before. 

I really wanted to share with you how my daughters have touched and changed my life in meaningful ways.  While I will never forget and always miss them, I hope that because of my daughters and this experience, I can become a better wife, friend, family member, and mother, and that I will be able to support and encourage others the way I have been by those around me.  Thank you so much again for being here today to honor and remember our daughters.

 I will share more about the memorial in another post.  It was a really meaningful time to spend with family and friends.  I know that it has helped in my healing process.